The age-old question…

Why did I have such an awesome practice today?

What was the factor that made today stand out from other days? I know that it wasn’t just my body either. I was calm from the outset. I was sore, like always, spent about 15 minutes warming up with lunges, like always. I bathed first, like always. I hadn’t eaten in around four or so hours, as always (well, the day before, I hadn’t eaten at all, but it was first thing in the morning for me). I had the heat on in my little yoga room, as always.

What was different? NOTHING. Yet everything. What makes the bad days bad and the good days good?

Not that this is what made it a good practice, because it was good long before I got to this point, it was good from the very first Sun Salutation, but today was the first day in a long long long time, maybe a year or more, that I felt like maybe someday, maybe, possibly, I MIGHT touch my feet by myself someday in Kapotasana. Not that I care. Honestly, not that I care. If I didn’t feel that way today, I wouldn’t even be thinking about Kapotasana. Most of the time, I just skip it entirely, go right to Supta Vajrasana, or right to Urdhva Dhanurasana. So, really, I don’t care. But today I just went really really slowly and repeated it a few times, approached it the way I used to approach Marichyasana C or Supta Kurmasana. Patiently, low expectations, not expecting it to feel good. And it didn’t really “feel good”. It just didn’t feel bad. That’s something.

I kind of hate that I saw a crack of light at the end of the Kapotasana tunnel because I fear that it will add drama to future practices. How do I counteract that, this impulse to obsess over a pose? I think my impulse to obsess is far less than it ever has been in the past. But like all obsessions, like all addictions, once it’s there, it’s always there, the sleeping monster, waiting to be awoken.

Go back to sleep, sleeping monster.



4 Responses to The age-old question…

  1. I don’t ask myself this question about Yoga very much. Yoga has been what has helped me escape from my previously obsessive achievement orientation.

    Now tennis, that’s another story entirely! Why do I play so well some days and so poorly other days, when there is no discernible difference in any condition or preparation?

    In sports the reply is always–If you could figure that out you’d make a million dollars.

    Bob Weisenberg

  2. susananda says:

    Why not not obsess over it and not skip it either? Just do it every day, without expectation?

  3. Grimmly says:

    Good from the very first Sury? My best ones often seem to start badly. Perhaps I don’t feel in the mood but it’s a work day so I can’t wait till I am in the mood. I over compensate with the breath to block out any negativity and then half way through the practice notice I’m having a wail of a time and that everything seems to being going well.

    I seem to be relaxed about kapo at the moment, today was good, yesterday not so good. Some days I know half way down that it’s not going to be great and it’s enough just to land it and to hell with my feet, such days I don’t even tend to bother trying to come up but feel fine about it. Days when it feels comfortable I’ll do another one to try and go in a little deeper.
    I’m not sure I really see the point of all these backbends either, the whole Mysore drop backs tic/tock deal I mean, though they can be fun. I tend to do one a day to keep my hand in and only come up if i feel comfortable with it. I focus on them only when I’m in the mood. But Kapo is something else, such a wonderful asana, worth spending ten years on getting it just right. A handful of asana’s like that no? The dancer one Natarajasana and perhaps Eka pada raja kapotanasana, would love to be able to do them well, a few others that are really beautiful.

  4. Jamie says:

    “What was different? NOTHING. Yet everything. What makes the bad days bad and the good days good?” I’m so glad I’m not the only one who wonders! There is something else at work, for sure : )

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