Here’s the quandry. I want to practice ONLY Primary. But if I practice ONLY Primary, then I think it is quite likely that my backbends will suffer. I have made lots of progress in opening my chest and learning to squeeze the vertical back muscles around my spine to create a semblance of a backbend. But practicing Second up to Supta Vajrasana in addition to all of Primary takes an intimidatingly long time. An a-motivationally long time. I think about it and cringe the way I used to cringe about running 18 miles on a Sunday. On days when I can’t make it to the shala because of home or school obligations, I spend half the day thinking about my practice and the other half slogging through it, stopping every few poses to water a plant or move a stone in the garden.
But I can’t give up any portion of Primary. Primary is the balm, or da bomb; either one is accurate. It’s the panacaea. It seems to me that Primary put me back together. Not that it did much for my backbending. But everything else. Ever since I’ve been practicing all of Primary (about a year now), as opposed to half of it, and the two thirds of it, I have felt positively vibrational. I radiate energy. I feel like a beacon of health. I can’t give that up. My balm. My panacaea.
If you don’t count backbending.
And there’s the rub. Today, I had an amazing backbending practice, despite practicing only Primary. But I really don’t think that would be the case if I blew off Second Series on a regular basis.
I just HATE Kapotasana. It’s not like how I felt about Supta Kurmasana, which I looked forward to, with hope, each and every day. I think. Every day, I dread Kapotasana. Cos gets one hand at a time to my toes, and I feel like screaming, even though it doesn’t hurt. The hand that she isn’t putting on my foot, is flailing around, probably smacking her. I can’t be sure because I’m practically unconcious while it’s happening. Shock and fear have a way of doing that.
And it’s kind of funny because I always thought I wanted to practice Kapotasana. But I have to say, I could definitely do without it. And I really don’t care if I ever get to practice anything past Kapotasana either.
Bottom line, I think I am really not “over” Primary. I feel like I’m just getting started. Just getting my Primary groove on. I’m finally keeping the heels of my hands down when I jump forward. I’m finally learning to jump straight into Buja Pidasana.
Oh, woe is me. What a stupid problem to have, don’t you think? Too many poses? Too much asana to choose from? Wah wah wah.
I love Ashtanga. I love how it makes me a little bit braver. A little bit stronger. A little bit more fearful even as it makes me a little it more fearless.
But it’s kind of a drag talking about it. I have to say. I am losing steam on the Ashtanga blogging. As if that weren’t obvious. What is there to say anymore? “My chest cracked open just a little bit today.” Blah blah blah. There is nothing to really say. Well, that’s not completely true. I AM learning to find a backbend in Mari C and D. But it’s too boring to tell.
So there you have it. My perfunctory posting.
Coming soon: my review of a music CD sent to me by Cyndi Lee’s publicist, of all people. She must not read my blog. But honestly, I really like the music on the CD. After listening to it a few times, I decided that I actually CAN write something positive about it, as long as I ignore the stick figure drawing of an Om Yoga asana sequence that comes with it, which is pretty easy to do considering that there is nothing at all about the CD that would really lend itself to an asana practice. But it does happen to be really good, mellow ambient music. And Michael Hewett features prominently, and I am a huge fan of his. So. Stay tuned.
Oh, and Lost ROCKS.