Supta Vajrasana, or, It’s OK to suck

I was asked again today if I wanted more asana. If you ask me twice, I’m going to say yes. I guess getting asked again made me more sure that it wasn’t some kind of misunderstandinf because frankly I am shocked. I can touch my toes, one at a time, with assistance in Kapotasana and only after researching it at the wall a couple of times first, in order to warm up my armpits and/or mental ability to cope with the intensity of the pose and the adjustment.

And then there was the guy who got all of the poses up to Supta Vajrasana today – all of them, one after the other – and bound at his ANKLES in Kapotasana without assistance.

And then there was me hurtling into the wall on my final stand-up today. Well, honestly, my achey shoulder is preventing me from supporting myself fully with my hands in order to rock up gracefully.

Yeah…that’s why.

And, um, that’s why my Pasasana is getting worse, not better. Total regression. And that’s why I couldn’t push up from Kapotasana B today.

Uh huh.

I think I’ll hold onto my excuse, I mean injury, just a little bit longer.

I feel like I have a lot on my plate now on the mat. Three poses that I need help in. One pose from Primary that I enjoy getting help in (supta k). And the still not-the-way-I-want-them-to-be backbends.

An awful lot of drama for one yoga session. Must learn to cope with that and detach from the drama that starts to come up in me. It’s just a pose, just a practice. It doesn’t matter. But still, I like to be good at what I do, which made my practice really mellow and easy when it included just one pose I needed help with (Pasas) and then the “needs improvement” backbending.

I love progessing. But I can’t help but feel somewhat nostalgic for the days when I was only working on mastering one pose at a time, for months on end. On the other hand, I wouldn’t trade this experience for any other on the mat. Everything has a time and place in life, and I guess this is the time for me to be releasing control of my “performance” and allowing myself to learn the asanas I didn’t think I would ever be learning, or even ready to learn, and by “learn”, I mean “suck at for possibly a long time to come”.

YC

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