I felt a bit guilty today practicing for two and a half hours. I came in at the tail end of the Mysore session (9:30, when it ends at 10:30), and got to the end of Half Primary when Val told everyone who was still practicing to move to the left side of the room and take as long as we needed while she began the mixed level led class took over the right side of the room. This is the custom at the CT Shala.
Only lately, however, it seems as if it has become my own custom to always move to that left side of the room and practicing well into the next class time. And I have been feeling guilty about it, knowing full well that I couldn’t devote this much energy to practice if I had a full time job. If I had any job, really.
But, ah, how lovely it is to really take the time and do Pasasana three times, the first two setting up the proper trajectory of arms out of shoulder sockets, the final one falling into place on its own. And the joy of setting up for backbending with, well, lots of backbending. And then some more permutations of backbending.
But, ah, the guilt.
I spent a lot of time gazing at my navel this afternoon, considering this guilt. I put in a phone call to the husband – left a voice mail, saying, “I need to polish up my resume and get myself a job. I can’t go on like this.” Then I got a voice mail in response saying that that really wasn’t necessary, that my housewifely duties at home were greatly…APPRECIATED (!!! RED LETTER DAY!!!!! DING DING DING!!!! A HOUSEWIFE IS SHOWN APPRECIATION!!!!). That the economic reality of my getting a job would be such that we would have to hire people to take up the slack where I would no longer be available to do said housewifely duties. Like cleaning. Yes, folks, I clean my house. And I enjoy it. That’s why no one ever hears me complaining about it. I keep trying to imagine hiring someone to do the loving cleaning job that I do on my house, but I cannot. I simply cannot imagine anyone using the special products I mix myself – this many parts vinegar to that much water for the floors; lemon oil on this particular microfiber duster for cabinets; this much ammonia to that much water for surfaces which food has touched, etc. And driving the kids places. And that is no small task here in Back Roads Hell. Okay, it’s not any kind of hell – I love it. But a lot of my townsfolk complain about how far away everything is from everything else and how it’s all backroads from here to there from there to here. And the cellular service is abysmal.
And then there’s all the handywork. When something breaks around here, guess who fixes it? Unless it involves electricity, it’s usually me.
I have come to the conclusion that I do not need to work. But I DO need to volunteer in my spare time. And I plan to do so. And as my cousin, Debpc wrote today, please hold me accountable. I am looking into Habitat for Humanity. I’d like to build something, if possible, starting when the weather warms up. I don’t know how this works, but I hope it is possible. From their web site, I can see that there are two branches nearby, one in Southern Westchester and one in Putnam County. The latter is in a rather depressed city. There must be work to be done there. I even heard through the grapevine that there are two HFH houses going up in a neighboring town. Not sure if it’s true. We shall see.
So, I will get strong with my daily yoga binge. And then I will build houses for the needy. And I’ll write about it here for the entertainment of approximately 300 people per day.