Five Reasons You Might Hate Me: Updated

Thanks for the idea, CODY, if that is your real name, and I’m fairly sure I remember you saying it isn’t (please click on Cody’s blog for the origination of the “Five Things You Hate About Me” meme).

1. The Duck Pond Lie.

I say I live by a duck pond, when really, it’s a pond that is full of geese. Everyone loves ducks. See, e.g., Donald Duck and Daffy Duck. Not so much, geese. See, e.g., Duck, Duck, Goose, that children’s circle game which blatantly discrinates against geese in favor of ducks. Also, the geese in my pond are Canada Geese. Even Canada didn’t want them.

2. I Use My Children to Improve My Position.

I have a red-headed child. Because of this, no one suspects that I color my hair. I get to play the natural red-head because I happen to have a child with the good hair gene. I also have an eight-year-old snowboarder. From this, I can borrow vast quantities of cool. I bask in the reflected light of his awesome coolness, in fact. It’s enough to make to make those whose children merely ski sick with jealousy.

3. My Home Town is Basically a Hollywood Farm Team.

I grew up in the same town as Scott Wolf and Ian Ziering. But wait, it gets better: I went to the junior prom with Scott’s brother when most people don’t even GO to the junior prom. And I hung out in the same crowd as Ian all throughout my junior year of high school (he was a senior when I was a juniIor). Don’t even get me started on my tiny New England university, which I attended with Hank Azaria, Oliver Platt, Tracy Chapman or law school, which I attended with John Kennedy, God rest his soul.

4. I miss Cheri.

Cheri was cool. Way cooler than Adrian, who was cool in that she based her existence on none other than making fun of me, which was totally awesome. And even cooler than Bad Lady, who was just a dirty old woman. What ever happend to Bad Lady anyway? Who cares? Cheri gave me attention. And there’s nothing I like so much as attention except attention from a cool kid like Cheri.

5. I Don’t Care.

I don’t care if you hate me. In fact, I like that you hate me. There’s something really fun about it. The worst thing you could do is NOT find me at least a little bit annoying.

YC

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25 Responses to Five Reasons You Might Hate Me: Updated

  1. Stellata says:

    I don’t know if it matters, but I don’t hate you at all! I’ve been lurking reading your blog for a little while, and I’m sorry that my first time to comment was about the car thing. You are a great writer with a great blog.. so Im sorry to say I don’t hate you.

  2. Cheri, Cheri Baby says:

    I bet geese poop alot. But I’m sure you got someone to clean it up for you right YC? Isn’t he a chinese guy?

  3. laksmi says:

    he’s mexican.

  4. Cheri, Cheri Baby says:

    I thought YC was Mexican.
    Anyways, I bet he picks up the poo.
    Rught YC?
    Jeeze, you want me back ad now your ignoring me already.

    I do like stellatas name, reminds me of stillettos.

  5. low says:

    she’s not a real mexican. sherry, your spelling is better.
    yc, you mean no one knows you wear a toupe.

  6. BeBe says:

    I Also Use My Children to Improve My Position.

    I have a red-headed child and grandchild (not the same person). I have three blue-eyed grandsons. My older daughter (ahem- you may know her) used to have reddish-hair as a little girl and now she dyes it red. Unlike YC, everyone knows I color my hair – mousy brown with natural highlights from the gray part. I also bask in the reflected light of my daughters’ awesome coolness (get the plural?).

    I don’t know a lot of celebs, but I did live across the hall in college from Myra who, with her husband, owns the NE Patriots. That is all I know about sports. I once saw Woody Allen in the Russian Tea Room in NYC, and I had lunch in Montclair, NJ during November – less than 2 feet from me sat Kyra Sedgwick and I talked to her – briefly. So eat your hearts out.

    I Also Don’t Care.

    To quote another, “I don’t care if you hate me. In fact, I like that you hate me. There’s something really fun about it. The worst thing you could do is NOT find me at least a little bit annoying.”

    BeBe (the tree doesn’t stand far from from where the apple falls)

  7. laksmi says:

    let’s not start on the star list, because i’ve really got you all beat, hands down.

    bebe, i thoroughly appreciate your proper use of the possessive plural. your oldest daughter has spelling and grammar issues. obviously she did not get them from you.

  8. laksmi says:

    bebe, i want to call you barbie instead because i don’t like the sound of it.

  9. BeBe says:

    Laksmi,

    I am no Barbie. Yes, that girl of mine does have some spelling issues. But she sure does write good!

    I hesitate to ask, but what’s the problem with bebe?

    BeBe

  10. laksmi says:

    that’s ‘write well’. And she writes okay; there’s nothing special about her writing. There’s just a lot of it. That doesn’t make it good.
    I don’t like the sound ‘bebe’ and it also makes me think of that store ‘bebe’ which has, as i like to say, little clothes for big sluts. so it’s a bad association. We could just call you YC Sr.

  11. Yoga Chickie says:

    You throwing down, Laksmi? A write-off, so to speak?

    The goose poop cleans itself up, don’t you know?

    And Bebe, I once shared a stage with Howard Cosell – we were BOTh performing. Can you top that? Laksmi? Can you?

  12. Cheri, Cheri Baby says:

    I actually did Howard Cosell’s son.

    You lied about the duks, I bet your lieing about the goose poop cleaning itself up too.

  13. laksmi says:

    howard cosell? Is that all you’ve got? please. Was that at your bat mitzvah?
    throw down? throw down? ha! I’ve already won!

  14. BeBe says:

    If it was at her Bat Mitzvah, I would know about it. (She didn’t have a Bat Mitzvah – which may explain a lot and particularly the fact that she now belongs to a synagogue).

  15. Carl says:

    If the two of you throw down on the writing, my money will be on Laksmi.

  16. BeBe says:

    Carl,

    My interpretation of your Comment is that you actually think YC’s writing is the better. You are responding to her “I don’t care if you hate me message” with a response that will please her – signaling your real opinion. I would guess she silently thanks you for appreciating her writing and creativity.

    My best to you,

    BeBe

  17. laksmi says:

    barbie, it must be great to interpret things any old way you want. Gosh, you’re right. Carl DID say that YC’s writing is better, even though he didn’t say that. That’s what he meant. But then again, it’s hard to understand what you’re saying with YOUR writing…

  18. laksmi says:

    oh, and thanks carl. I agree with you that the money should be on me. Just one look at MY FUCKING BLOG will reveal an ATTRACTIVE and witty blog.

  19. BeBe says:

    Lox,

    A suggestion: Your writing would be better if you didn’t say “fuck” every two words. BORING.

    You have also missed the nuances in my writing style.

    Try to stick with knitting. I can’t get beyond scarves when I knit. We can vote you the best knitter.

    BeBe

  20. laksmi says:

    barbie, i’ll take best knitter. but i’ll also take best writer, too. so there. and you should stick to being a grandma.

  21. Yoga Chickie says:

    This stopped being fun.

  22. samasthiti says:

    It always does when there are parents around. Hard to have any fun and swear, talk trash….it’s that generation gap.

  23. Yoga Chickie says:

    Susan, WE are parents. Scary.

  24. Cody says:

    YC,

    I’m thrilled to be your new muse, but blog etiquette dictates that you give me a link, not just a name-check. How am I ever to monetize my blog if you don’t give me a link?

    And, yes, the name cody is fake, fake, fake. I don’t look like a cody. I don’t act like a cody. I’ve never even met a cody before.

  25. Cody says:

    cha-ching!

    Thanks!

    😉

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