Quaint, Disturbing, Perturbing

I noticed this sign on the way home from practice, and since I carry my trusty Cybershot with me at all times now (what with my propensity for collecting parking tickets, two at a time, totally unjustly), I had to get out and take a shot. How much I wish that I could have seen the Village Green when there cattle, horses and swine grazing there. 1681 for godssakes!! I mean, that is so long ago that human beings have probably EVOLVED in that time. Not all human beings, of course.

Which reminds me, I couldn’t sleep last night because I was so disturbed by this week’s episode of Nip/Tuck. I’ve been watching it on and off for a couple of seasons now because (a) it’s about plastic surgery, in which I have a vested interest and intend to for the rest of my proudl superficial life and (b) Christian Troy and Sean McNamara are the most interesting “buddies” I have ever seen in any media. They’re one part rivalrous brothers (who does Julia REALLY love?), one part homosexual lovers (Matt has two daddies) and one part business partners (you’d have to have witnessed them clefting the chin of a plastic-sugery addict to understand the synergy they share, which is nothing if not choreographed poetry). Sean’s ex-wife, Julia, has children with both Sean and Christian, loves them both, and currently wants neither since she has fallen in love with a woman. Julia has also fallen in love with a dwarf. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Last night’s episode was incredibly entertaining, no doubt. But it was also incredibly disturbing, in a Brazil (the movie) kind of way. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT. SPOILER ALERT.

When the otherwise pristine hot tub begins to bleed brown, it’s startling for a moment, and then it is unbearably horrifying. Shit in a hot tub. Shitting in a hot tub. With a new lover. It’s too awful. And later, Christian in rivalrous brother/jealous lover mode, pokes fun at Sean for dating a “shitter”. It’s so cringeworthy, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Then there were the lesser cringeworthy moments, but cringeworthy nonetheless: the hymen-o-plasty patient with the hots for Sean who also happens to be Julia’s new lover’s daughter, Sean’s fantasies about her during sex with “the shitter”, after he couldn’t get it up sans fantasy. The disturbingly uncomfortable lunch between Sean and Christian’s anesthesiologist/close friend and Julia with her new lover. When Roma Maffia pushed her plate away, I understood. I felt like throwing up too. Finally, the strung out Matt, eyeing Sean’s wallet. It was so painfuly obvious that he was drugging it up. How could Sean not have seen this? Especially after his speech to Julia’s lover about setting better boundaries for her own daughter.

So, I had insomnia last night. Could it have been that I watched this powerfully dramatic show on the GIANT FLAT SCREEN FROM HELL???? I just thought of that! Oh no! No, JLafitte, there will be no pull-down screen. I might have to throw a rock through my flat screen and put an end to my media misery altogether.

Oh, and here, for your poking-fun-of-my-decor pleasure, is the latest change to the Family Room. Why didn’t any of you think of THIS?


Not that it solves the myriad of problems with this cavernous, flat-screen-tv-driven space. But that myriad of problems isn’t going to be solved so soon anyway, seeing as He Who Shall Not Be Named has cut me off at the knees, I mean, charge card, forbidding me from buying any new furniture, nay, any new anything, for the family room. Apparently, he wants to be in charge of the decor. So, expect much more in the way of black iron from places where you assemble the furniture in this room’s future. 😦

YC

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8 Responses to Quaint, Disturbing, Perturbing

  1. laksmi says:

    what’s wrong with shitting in a hot tub? I just did it this afternoon.

  2. laksmi says:

    maybe there are some bar mirrors and flocked wallpaper that knee-man can put up. Look the problem with any ‘family’ room is the TV. Doesn anyone REALLY have a way to work that fucking thing in to the decor at ALL ever re: furniture, looks, coziness? NO! And that’s because it is evil and should be killed. Kill it now!

    But really, that family room is messed. It’s not lookin too cozy. The whole couch is saying ‘fuck off! go back to the living room! it’s cold and square and shiny in here and we hate you!’

  3. laksmi says:

    you just need a new house. that’s the problem.

    has knee-man actually WATCHED that tv in that position? do you all have neck problems now? it’s too high. make him put it in the basement, where he can more comfortably view the 10 porno videos he rented.

  4. Yoga Chickie says:

    First off, I am really pissed at you now because with that image I am going to be up all night again, thank you very much.

    Second, what is a knee-man?

    Third, FUCK YOU.

    Love,

    lauren

  5. samasthiti says:

    There is not a thing wrong with the pooper. Unless you’re not into the pooping. Come on YC, you should be more GGG.

    And anyway that sofa is a big dinosaur…and sad that the focal point of the lovely fireplace is a friggin TV that gives you insomnia. Shut the door to this room and never ever go in.

  6. Yoga Chickie says:

    Maybe the pulldown screen JLafitte is talking about should be a screen that shows flowers and butterflies and covers UP the tv, instead of projecting tv shows.

    What is GGG?

    I like pooping. Just not as a bulimia thing. I just bought these great cookie bars called “Gnu” or something like that, with 12 grams of fiber per bar and the tagline, “Join the Movement”. You might consider joining the movement if your Good Friends aren’t all that they promised.

    This room WILL be improved. It looks better in person. It will pull together. It just needs some love. And some money thrown at it.

  7. laksmi says:

    yeah, what’s ggg? yc and i don’t drink enough microbrew beer to know what that means. yc, thanks for saying ‘fuck you’ to me. at least, i think it was to me. I do think it is very funny what your anti-family room is saying to you, though. chuckle. don’t worry. I’ll post pictures of my empty forlorn house soon. you can pick on me.

  8. laksmi says:

    oh, and knee-man is your husband, because you said he wants to cut you off at the knees. I hate the word ‘hubby’ (i know suzin will text this word to me as soon as she sees it) and will not use it.

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