Cause who needs to be present when you’re really just doing gymnastics? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I used to do gymnastics when I was a kid. Gymnastics are cool. I could do back handsprings and front handsprings and walk on my hands and front limbers and back limbers (these are what are known as tick tocks, ya’all), and when i was a high school cheerleader, I could jump in the air and touch my toes to the top of my head. I rocked. I also was the top of the cheerleader pyramid. That was fun. It would have been more fun if i first smoked some pot, put on a bikini and went horseback riding, saddle sores be damned.
I was and am a force of nature. I am literally vibrating with sexual magnetism, and no one can resisit or reject me, ever, ever, ever, because I have dissolving hips, unlike all youze fattie fatties, and I can eat all the things you’ve only ever dreamed of eating because I am magic. Magic….shazayay-ah-am. Shadoobadoo-shaddddddddd-ahhhed. I. Am. Or, in that other language “Sat Nam” and all that, cause I do my gymnastics in a yoga school.
But what I’m trying to say (maybe I should draw it because I am such an amazing and awesome artist! And brilliant too! A MENSA member!!! I was the smartest kid in school always,while everyone else was getting C’s I was pulling straight A’s, which is why I went to art school, I mean, because I could have gone to Harvard, Yale, Duke, Tufts, UCLA, you name it, I rejected all of them when they asked me to go on a fully paid scholarship because I heart art!).
Hmmm…what was I saying? I got distracted when I had to go screaming at some people who didn’t agree with me…..
Oh yeah….FUCK YOU if you don’t smoke pot. And fuck you and double fuck fuck fuckity fuck you if you don’t smoke pot AND you take prozac. Because big pharma is bad, and if you’re depressed or anxious, you should smoke pot rather than lining the wallets of those big bad pharma executives. Pot should be legalized for the treatment of depression, anxiety, and manic disorders, like mine.
And if you don’t agree, it must be because you are not as gorgeous, skinny, talented, brilliant and Carrie-like (not Carrie from Sex and the City…rather, Carrie from Stephen King’s novel, you know, the one who could make shit happen with her MIND!!!). You must be jealous of me. If you don’t like what I am saying, it must be because you are a jealous and insecure wanker. Aren’t British words cool? I’m so hot for using them.
Because i say so, that’as why, bitches.