I have to confess that I weighed 103 today. I know, I was freaked out too. It’s not that it is so insanely low for a person of my height (5’1″), but that it was soooo much lower than I have seen in about five or six years. I stepped on the scale today, mostly out of discipline; I didn’t want to look at the number as I haven’t practiced yoga in a week, and somehow I believe that yoga is the be all and end all to staying slim, at least for me. So, there I was, muttering to the little but incredibly powerful sliver of steel and digits, “Please, don’t be higher than 108,” and I looked down and saw 103. I stepped on the scale several more times to see if I had done something wrong, or if I had seen the number wrong. Then I called the husband and asked him if he’d stepped on the scale today, and whether it was weighing unusually low. Yes, to the first, no to the second.
Anyway, it’s not the biggest thing in the world. But I have to admit that I am happy to be back to what I weighed before I had kids (and after, until the year I got sick). And I have to say that even as I assumed that the number was in the vicinity of 107-110, I have been feeling very comfortable in my skin lately, much more so than usual. For example, last week, I found myself with a bit of time on my hands on day, and so I put on a bikini and sat outside for a while. This is something I could never do, even all by myself in a very private backyard, if I was not almost 100 percent comfortable with my body. And I have been wearing jeans lately – which is a sure sign of comfort with my body. If I am not nearly 100 percent comfy in my skin, I’m walking around in yoga pants. That’s how you’ll know.
What I am trying to say is that all that time, I was thinking the number on the scale was a little higher, and yet I was still very comfortable. Now that I know the number has been getting lower, it sort of explains it to me. It wasn’t that I was comfortable with my body at 107-110. It’s that I am now AT my comfortable weight.
Wow, still churning out the boring posts. I feel as if this post started out with the power to incite strong feelings. Things about weight and size always do. Then I just prattled on and on and on to the point where you’re so bored, you have no energy be bothered by it at all.
Anyway, I am not sure why my weight dipped below 105 at this point. But I suspect it has to do with the fact that I am eating really healthy foods, preparing them myself so I know what’s in them, not really eating all that much really (remember: I am menopausal, and my metabolism is WAY lower than most women of my age and size) and not really worrying about it beyond being mindful of getting what I consider to be enough of this, that and the other into my system. I am not counting lettuce leaves like the CR people. I am not shunning foods as “bad” like I used to (for example, I had Eggplant in Garlic Sauce at an Asian place the other night, which I would never have touched back even a few months ago when I was following all these good food/bad food rules about eating). I try to include fresh, organic avocado and fresh, young coconut into my diet, every day. I try to eat a few eggs per week and a few slices of cheese. I need my Dubble Bubble, and a few chocolate bars per week (Toblerone this past week, since because of the nose thing, I’m all about texture rather than taste, but normally Cadbury Dairy Milk or Green & Black’s White).
I wonder if not doing any yoga has contributed – perhaps I have lost some muscle? Or perhaps all the House and Garden stuff I’ve been doing is really heavy duty, much more than I ever realized.
Anyway, I feel good at this weight, and I would like to stay here. But I don’t want to obsess about it. I just want to keep doing what I have been doing.
If only I knew what that was; trouble is, I wasn’t paying all that much attention.