Lost a little enlightenment today, but gained a friend in law enforcement

So, today I was forced to practice, if I wanted to practice at all, at the god-forsaken hour of six-thirty a.m. It was okay, but no major breakthroughs, and worst of all, I had to skip matsyasana through sirsasana to get home in time to drive to the closing, which is where I am still.

Hence,logic dictates that it must follow that I am no longer as enlightened as I was yesterday. Two steps forward, one step back. I wouldnt care nearly as much as I do about the physical practice if it didn’t correlate with the spiritual journey that yoga set me on. In order to reach Samadhi, I am quite sure that Primary Series is not going to cut it. Maybe not even Intermediate, since it is, after all, merely intermediate in level. And my goal is to reach Samadhi before I get too old and arthritic to do the advanced series, because how will I become a siddhi without being able to get into astavakrasana from a handstand? Without being able to take gomukhasana arms with one leg behind my head? Without being able to tick and tock and kiss my own ass in a backbend?

I am not dissing those of you who can’t do as many awesome poses as me. I just feel kind of bad for you all who are, by extension, that much less enlightened by me.

And now, I will share a story which proves that I am, not only the Source of All Thing, ahem, Laksmi, but also the Solver of All Internet Crimes. That murder-extortion email scam that I wrote about yesterday? Well it came to the attention of a police detective, who phoned me and asked for help in solving the crime. After verifying that the detective was not merely perpetrating yet another scam (I have seen David Mamet’s The Spanish Prisoner, after all), I helped him out, the nature of which help I feel constrained not to reveal in the interest of protecting the innocent (myself).

Pretty heady stuff. Must be all the manifesting Ive been doing lately. Not to mention the chanting. I’m thinking of switching my chanting to the kundalini style because they do this chant, “har har har har har har har har…..(And on and on for eleven minutes)” that will make one who chants it prosperous. I will put my newfound prosperity to good use – using it to pay for private yoga lessons so that I may stand up from a dropback within a week, lest I get behind on the road to enlightenment.



3 Responses to Lost a little enlightenment today, but gained a friend in law enforcement

  1. Carl says:

    I just feel kind of bad for you all who are, by extension, that much less enlightened by me.

    Lauren, we DO pay attention to what you write. We know you’re a teacher too. So now we discover that you’ve been sandbagging in the teaching so that you can somehow remain above all the others. That’s really special.

  2. YC says:

    Oh my…such a freudian slip! Yes, that’s right, i am holding back so as to be that much better than everyone!!!

  3. Yogamum says:


    You knew you were going to get in trouble for this tongue-in-cheek stuff eventually 😉

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