Dear Los Angeles County Department of Corrections,

I understand that you are now offering convicted criminals the option of serving their sentences in Paris Hilton’s 2700 square foot four bedroom luxury home in the Hills.

Point of clarification: I was wondering if one has to be convicted of DUI in order to qualify for the Hilton Housing (is that what the DOC is now calling it, by the way?), or if one has to take the additional step of violating their probation after a conviction of DUI? Or is there some other criteria altogether of which I am not aware (for example, starting off in the main jailhouse and spending the days crying and talking to one’s shrink before being considered for a transfer to the HH Unit)?

The reason I am asking is that in several weeks, I will be moving into a new home. Lovely home, yes, but still, I really think the wood floors ought to be refinished in a warm walnut brown, and I am being told that this will require that I either postpone my move for a 10 day period, or alternatively, that I vacate the premises during a 10-day period after my move. Either way,I’m looking at needing a place to stay for about a week and a half.

SO, here’s this thought I had. Why not drive drunk on the freeway in your lovely county, weaving uneasily between cars as I search for an In and Out Burger place where I can satisfy a serious case of the munchees, get convicted of DUI and then get right back in my car in full view of a police officer such that I can get sentenced to a week and a half at….. Paris’s house! And of course, that will be the week and a half when I will need a place to stay anyway, so it, like, totally works out.

Besides,the ankle bracelet is HOT. So, sign me up, okay? Let me know whatcha’all think, okay? And if my idea isn’t going to work for you guys, then I would greatly appreciate it if you would kindly tell me what a girl’s gotta do to get to do time at Paris’s Big House?

Very truly yours,

Yoga Chickie

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2 Responses to Dear Los Angeles County Department of Corrections,

  1. karen says:

    It’s interesting to think that someone who has had access to so many varied experiences due to her wealth and background would be so unprepared for a new experience. I understand it’s a drag to be in prison, but it seems strangely naive and overly-sheltered to crack up within a day or two in solitary confinement. It’s not like she was seeing other prisoners or anything. More that she simply couldn’t stand being out of her (so-called) normal environment.

  2. idoru says:

    hey now, don’t be so quick to judge the judicial system 😉
    she’s going back to jail.. You still want to take your vaca in LA?

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