Okay, which one of you’s ratted me out?

Apparently, or so I am told, my teacher, who goes by the name of “Sir”, at least here on this blog he does, received an email from one of you people with the itchy email fingers, which email said, and please allow me to paraphrase what was paraphrased to me:

Would you PLEASE just give Lauren the next pose already? All she ever talks about on her blog is being stuck in Supta Kurmasana. Supta Kurmasana this, Supta Kurmasana that! Please?! Can you put her out of her misery already?”</

And, no, of course it wasn’t me. Whomever wrote it, or so I am told, is someone that Sir knows. It wasn’t one of those fakey email/blogger personas. It was an ACTUAL concerned Ashtanga citizen.

Wait!! I know who it was. It could only be one person. Anonymous Shala Mate?!!! Was that you?????

In any event, not only did I bind in Supta Kurmasana today, but I pressed up in Dwi Pada and held it for a good couple of breaths, surprising even myself in that I did it completely unexpectedly, and without assistance of any kind. Not even verbal assistance. That makes FIVE SUPTA KURMASANAS IN A ROW. It is no longer a fluke.

No. Longer. A. Fluke.

You know what? I think I will just defy everyone’s expectations of me and see how LONG I can be stuck in Supta Kurmasana (well, really Garba Pindasana and Kukkutasana, since somewhere along the line my teacher took pity on my aching back and let me roll around on it). Wouldn’t that be funny? Like, see if I can break a record for the longest sticking point, even after being able to bind in the pose?

To that end, I specifically make no point of pausing in between Kukkutasana and backbends. No wistful looking around the room…no “is it time yet?”…no puppy dog eyes…none of it.

I mean, the longer I stay here in Primary Series Purgatory, the longer my license to complain extends. And I have one of those. A license to complain, I mean. Well, actually, officially, it is called a “Kvetch Club Card”, and all Jewish children receive one the moment they wake their parents up in the middle of the night for the very first time. And to be honest, it’s not actually a “license” because that would imply a “right” to “kvetch” (for all the non-yids out there, “bitch and moan”), whereas kvetching is not merely a right amongst my people. Rather, it is a duty, and whenever a Jew kvetches, it is considered to be no less than a mitzvah, and another angel gets her wings. Oh, wait, scratch that last part. No angels. But lots of “yichus and nachus”. And brisket and kugel and kasha varnishkas too.

Anyway, enough about that. Tomorrow I teach Led Primary at 10:30 a.m. I know it’s a holiday weekend, but could someone PLEASE come? I give really deep Marichyasana adjustments because I know what it is like to struggle in those damn poses. And likewise, I bind the hands nice and tight in Supta K, for the same reason. There’s a moon day next week, after all, so get that extra practice in….

And just in case anyone is interested, for the next few months, I am going to be teaching a Led Standing Poses class on Fridays at noon at the shala. They call it “Hot Lunch” because it’s lunchtime, and it’s HOT (you have to say it like Paris). We just plow through the Standing Poses and then take rest. Perfect for people like Cody (if only he lived in New York) who wish for a little something “less” on Fridays, but for whom “Only Primary” is actually “more”.



6 Responses to Okay, which one of you’s ratted me out?

  1. Carl says:

    It’s hard enough to learn all the Sanskrit that keeps popping up everywhere. We don’t need Yiddish on top of it.

  2. cheri says:

    Your getting boring.

  3. Susan Sullivan says:

    I would love a led, lunchtime, standing series class. After 4 years of practice, my balance poses are just as bad as they were on day one.

  4. laksmi says:

    okay, wtf–someone emailed your teacher? crikey, that’s BALLS! Were you embarrassed or were you okay when he talked to you about it? Was he pissed off or what? that is wierd. I heard from t that he knows i have a blog and I was like, shit, I hope no one gave you the address.

  5. Cody Pomeray says:

    I would like that!

    Ironically, I was off without the kids today and went for the slow, outdoor, criminal practice through bhujapidasana – major crim action!

  6. lisa says:

    I swear it wasn’t me. I would never email Guy such a thing.


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