Oh. K.

May 31, 2007

Wow, I am bowled over by volume and variety of responses to my midday post-practice whine break. Lots of perspectives offered, and none of them mean or judgemental, which might be attributable to the fact that I have turned off anonymous commenting. Behind the veil of anonymity, people will say things that they would never ordinarily want to be heard (read) saying. Faced with accountability, people will censor themselves. Interesting that the consciences/superego/yamas/call-it-what-you-will carries not nearly as much power as the desire to be perceived in a certain light. When it comes to shaping behavior, the externals seem to be far more weighty than the internals.

Anyway, my favorite comment is from Karen, who suggested that I just enjoy Supta Kurmasana for a while. Why not, right? I mean, I have been longing to feel it for so long. Now, I have my wish. It stung to read it. The truth hurts. It’s like, wow, what’s gotten into me anyway? Why am I being so graspy? So desperate to add more to my repertoire?

I have to say that I have been struggling in the past few days. Not with the physical practice. That’s been great. But with motivation. And desire to practice. This happens to me every time I finally “get” a pose. It happened after I finally bound by myself in Marichyasana C. Same with Mari D. To a lesser extent, it happened after I got and then “got” Bujapidasana. It’s like the same thing that happens when you really are attracted to someone and you really want them to like you, and then when you finally catch their interest, it’s like, eh, who cares, and what was all the fuss about? Or when you desperately, desperately want that new job, and then you actually get hired, and suddenly, you’re like, oh, shit, it’s like, just a job.

It’s why I stopped running the marathon. The first time, I did it to finish. The second time, I did it to break four hours. The third time, I did it to….um….wait, now why did I do it again? As I crossed the Queensboro Bridge (somewhere around Mile 15 out of a total of 26.2), I remember feeling my quads tightening up, and thinking, what if I just walked home from here (I lived at Mile 17 at the time)? What difference would it make? I’m never going to win this thing. And with the way my quads feel, I’m never going to beat my last year’s time, although I was still very much on track to do so. The best I could do would be to qualify for the Boston Marathon, and what exactly would that do for me? Cause me to run another 26.2 miles. And that’s when my pace slowed from 8:20 all the way to somewhere around 9 minutes per mile. When I got the the last five miles, I knew that if I wanted to beat my previous year’s time, I was going to have to run harder. Except I just didn’t care anymore. I ended up finishing two minutes slower than the year before. And I never had any desire to ever run it again.

I don’t want that to happen with the yoga. I want to revel in the absolute pointlessness of it, the practicicing for no performance, the endless, Sisyphean journey.

It’s very hard.


what does it take, i ask you??? what? tell ne!!!

May 30, 2007

And i will do it. Just tell me. Communicate with me. Do i need to breathe deeper? Practice faster? Practice slower? Lift up into a handstand after uttkatasana? Jump straight into every pose, arms bound? Bind in supta kurmasana without assistance?

Today was my seventh or eighth full-on total-bound full-monty supta K in a row. It was my third dwi pada liftup. It was my first dwi pada to a workmanlike titthibasana to an actual bakasana.

I fear that Sir is one day going to tear his face off, revealing himself to be that most famous of mind-fuckers of them all, Ben “Henry Gale” Linus of Lost fame. Has the leader of the Others actually infiltrated the yoga world? For the love of god and all that is holy, let this not be true!!!!!


Psychological Approaches to the Management of PAIN

May 29, 2007

Apparently,Cheri Adrian (scroll all the way down after you click this link) IS a psychologist, and a published one at that. Note to Cheri and Adrian/Cheri Adrian: I prefer the pharmaceutical approach to the management of pain.


End of days?

May 29, 2007

Carl and I were discussing Stat Counter’s merits, and I said that I found it pretty useless, while he found it quite informative. Well, I am here to say: USELESS. For example, I clicked on the link to find out what states people are visiting this blog from, and it shows the following:

19 New York United States
14 Maryland United States
12 ?
10 Oklahoma United States
9 California United States
8 England United Kingdom
4 Minnesota United States
3 Pennsylvania United States
2 New Jersey United States
2 Brussels Belgium
2 Colorado United States
2 Michigan United States
1 Missouri United States
1 Nova Scotia Canada

Now, since I KNOW that some people read this in Washington (the state), for example, and New Jersey, as another good example, how is it that those states don’t appear at all on this list?

I know that the right answer to this question is: who cares?

But, still. The internet is still as anonymous as ever, and most people can hide behind their ISP (internet sevice provider) in order to create insane fake personas and then layer them with insane fake persona friends and insane fake persona boyfriends until they’ve created an entire univere of insane fake personas, and none of what anyone says matters anymore because it could all be fake anyway.


Maybe Cheri, Adrian, The Boy and Kiki (for lack of a better fake persona) are, in actuality, the Four Horsemen of the Blogger Apocolypse, and the end of days of blogging in innocence has arrived…


another day another practice

May 28, 2007

Sooo crowded today. So hot and sweaty. All good. Slight tweak in my upper left back, attributable to a stupid thing I did in the bath this morning. I observed where it effected my practice: nowhere. It only hurt before and after. That’s something to be happy for. I’m sitting at the Randall’s Island Golf Center now. Waiting for the kids’ burgers to be ready. I have a 20 ounce bottle of Sprite Zero tucked between my back and my chair. It’s nice and cold.

I am bored here. I keep thinking about food but not knowing what – would want to eat. I have a cold that has eliminated by sense of taste. I want the pleasure of going out to dinner, but I am prety sure that the only food which i might enjoy is the whole oat groats i have ready and waiting for me at home. Bland, chewy, mushy, sweet. Perfect for a no-tastebuds day.


I’m all En Vogue today

May 27, 2007

No you’re never gonna get it (ow!)
Never ever gonna get it (no, not this time)…”

Remember that song? I kept singing that in my head today.

The good news is that practice feels awesome, and I have so much energy left over after stopping at Garba Pindasana that I am able to come home and take Adam out for an eight-mile bike ride through Central Park’s main drives. I remember with fondness the days when I used to push my baby carriage around those drives for exercise. Then the stroller became a jogging stroller. Then the jogging stroller became a bike seat. Now, finally, I have my own little biking partner! And plenty of energy to spare.

Came home from that and ate a delicious bowl of “whole oat groats” with almond milk and wheat germ. I love hot mushy food (although not mashed potatoes – blech!). I wonder if the reason my practice has improved in the past few weeks has been my incidental shunning of animal flesh and my substitution of what would normally be on my plate for things like rice, lentils, groats and the occasional pasta (usually asian noodle stir fry). Also, I have stopped drinking coffee. Ever since the tongue injury, I can’t face the prospect of coffee. Too acidic? Maybe what with the lack of coffee and the sharp increase in young coconut, my diet has become more alkalitic and less acidic, which many many moons ago, Mark R. told me could improve my practice by eliminating stiffness in the joints.

In any event, the biggest improvement in my practice is the fact that there is no more drama in Supta Kurmasana. I just do it now. Yesterday, Lori told me that if there’s time, I should attempt to get myself into it. I had no idea about that. And I think that really helps, or it did today. By the time Sir got to me for my assist, my shoulders were already WAY under my legs. I bound solidly, no slippage at all, despite sheets and sheets of sweat falling off my body, not even when my ankles crossed, and not even when I took it upon myself to dip my head even lower under my crossed ankles. Once again, I surprised myself by pressing up in Dwi Pada. It was harder today, though, and once I got up, it was either fall forward or let the legs spring apart. I chose the latter and then fell on my ass. No big deal.

The one and only problem I have with not finishing Primary before getting to backbends is that my backbends suffer. When I practce the full Series, like at home, or when I pop into Yoga Sutra, my backbends feel amazing. When I stop before Baddha Konasana, my back is still quite rounded. I think that Setu Bandasana really helps to set the stage, especially because I have a strong neck and can really use that as leverage to arch.

Eh, the point is moot. I am here in Primary Purgatory forever. I am resigned to it. No need to contact my teacher, friends. It’s FINE. I am FINE with it. Can’t you see that? I am FINE!! Lalalala! Happy! And I should never have to do dropbacks either. No, perish the thought. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT lobby for assisted dropbacks for the Yoga Chickie. She does not need or want any Asana Charity, but thanks.


Eight Randoms

May 26, 2007

1. I am writing this at a Yankees game. We’re sitting in the 15th row, right next to third base. I really couldn’t care less about baseball.

2. When I was a senior in high school, I was the “voice of Mountain High School”, reading the morning announcements each day over the PA system.

3. Speaking of high school, I played a hooker/dancer in a production of The Night of January 16th and a hooker in a Chekhov play, the name of which escapes me at the moment.

4. I also played Anne in The Diary of Anne Frank in a community theater production. The director took out my line, “Margot, do you think I’m terribly ugly” because she felt that it was not believable to the point of absurdiy. Bad acting? Or cute teenage girl? You decide.

5. I never hated my nose until after I got a nose job. Now I fucking HATE it. Bad nose job? Or appearance-obsessed plastic surgery junkie in training? You decide.

6. I have huge feet. HUGE. I wear a 37.5 european/ 7.5 american. I am only 61 inches tall. To put it in perspective, see V’s Mind Bending Randoms…

7. I have been pregnant five times. I have two children.

8. My first crush began when I was in kindergarten and lasted through fifth grade. His name was Joe Katz, and he resembled a combination of my two sons – short, freckle-faced and funny.

I will tag (1) my sister, Dinnerland, because, well, she’s my sister, and I would think that she has some random factoids to offer that would shock and appall me (and hey, wouldn’t it be good to broaden our blogging horizons?), (2) Steve Dwelley because maybe he feels left out of all the fun – I mean, even very highly-regarded teachers who write about esoteric topics (and really well, by the way) on their blogs need to be able to get into the vast trenches of the inane with the rest of us now and then, (3) Adrian because that Luuurrreeeen-luving, old-fat-ashtangi-bashing Cheri has taken over and it’s time to bring back the nicer alter ego, (4) Susan (“Rhymes wih Crazy”) because she kinda hates me but seriously needs to get back to blogging and practicing (oh..wait..she already is! kewl!! but she says that she really doesn’t want to be tagged, so, I definitely am tagging her…), (5) Jason because I haven’t seen a single blog entry from him in months and months, and he was always good for getting me riled up with his blogger persona, which could be summarized as “I am highly critical of all of the stupid ashtanga blogs out there, and so I will now proceed to incite them to further stupidity for my own entertainment”, (6) Elaina of Still the Turning because she seems so nice, (7) April’s CR Diary because CR seems to dovetail so nicely with Ashtanga, and I felt like extending the branch into her calorie-restricting world…..and that leaves number (8)….hmmmm….let’s see, who else, shit, I don’t know. Suggestions welcome.