Dear Yoga Chickie,

Rodney and I would like to transmit to you big, and beautiful and golden and goddess-worthy pranams for linking to the New York Times article that generously provided coverage of our Vegas nuptials (big shout-out to my PR team!).

As you may or may not know, the Colleen Saidman -heart- Rodney Yee union was manifested beneath the watchful eyes of the spirits of all that is loving before we made our loving pilgrimage of love to that fertile desert city of golden dreams. Rod and I became soulmates at the exact moment that I reached over in the jacuzzi at that Yoga Journal conference and touched Rodney’s third eye. It was at that moment that Rodney and I died a thousand deaths and rebirthed ourselves a thousand plus one lives.

Well, not exactly at that moment because Baron Baptiste was in the jacuzzi too, as was John Friend, and even though his earthly mind was at that moment fully engaged in bestowing upon some young Johnettes the secrets of anusara’s spirally language and connection to the word “anus”, and it felt inappropriate to begin making love to my newly discovered soulmate at that exact moment.

Besides which, there was the problem of our marriages to other people that despite the fact that Rod and I are soulmates forever and ever and into eternity for all time, we had entered into somehow, it’s not like we could just publicly make love to one another because then our spouses would find out before we had even decided that we wanted to continue to taste of one another’s love for all of eternity (and by eternity, I mean for as long as we can maintain that infinite spark that makes us soulmates forever and ever).

See, usually when Rodney or I cheated on our spouses, it didn’t amount to much of anything. Usually it would be at the Yoga Journal conferences, but sometimes it would be at a private retreat. Sometimes it would be with a student. Once in a crazy while, it would be with a fellow teacher. One time, Rodney even did it with some girl he met at a Starbucks (Oh, and how I love to shower Rod with my evervescent bubbles of silliness about that …but I digress).

This time though, when we climbed into that jacuzzi – me in my golden bikini that I most certainly did not purchase at Eileen Fisher (I am a model. Did I mention that? I model for Eileen Fisher, even though the ladies who buy her clothes are old and fat or, sometimes even pregnant! But being a model is a noble profession in which one must put aside her earthly ego and transform what might appear to the material world’s eye as a ghastly tent-like thing into something as diaphenously gorgeous and goldenly imbued with love and light as, well, as myself), and Rodney in a custom Speedo that bears the sanskrit symbol for “Om” – we each sensed in the other a vibe that we were about to die a thousand deaths and emerge a thousand lives plus one later, with lotus petals peeling away and the souls of a thousand man-breasted weeping sages burning with shimmering light upon us.

Know what I mean?

And it proved to be true, as we knew that we would, since we are both intuitive people, although sometimes I do wonder how if we are so intuitive, we would have married other people when our respective soulmates were out there walking the earth, waiting, just waiting…oh! The humanity. So tragic to even imagine having denied ourselves each other and our golden, shimmering, blessed love.

Some of my former students have asked me:

“Sri Acharya Colleen-ji, if you believe in karma and past lives, then why did you not just wait for another lifetime to be with Rodney?”

Other students have asked, “Oh, Great Goldenhaired Modelly Knowledgable Guru, Bestower of Light upon the Darkness of Long Island’s East End, how is it that as a yogi you are able to justify putting the satisfaction of the earthly impulses rising up from your loins above the happiness and security of the two former spouses and all of the vulnerable and malleable children involved?”

To those students, I just say…”Don’t do as I do, do as I say, just like in class! And don’t try this at home. Only people as intuitive and spiritually minded as Rodney and I are capable of making the judgement of when it’s truly love versus when it’s lust, of when it’s a spiritual connection versus when it’s a connection of two sets of heated loins. Rodney and I are alone in our ability to make fine distinctions between benefitting the greater good by finding a higher love and letting it lead wherever it leads and simply whoring around and hoping for the best. Rod and I KNOW the difference as we transcend our earthly lives in blessed spirit for ever and ever in a golden cast of shimmering light upon the gods and goddesses of eternity, past and present, in many dimensions, on many planes, in the swirling vastness of forever and eternity until such point as we begin to desire other lovahs. Rod and I alone are able to see the distinction because of our unique spiritual powers that make the rules not apply to us. “

And also, I am a model. Have I mentioned that? It helps to be a model because people tend to forgive your transgressions more easily when you’re not only good-looking but proving it by picking up modeling work from New York fashion houses (Okay, right, we’re talking about Eileen Fisher, which is only a fashion house in the sense that they sell fashion out of a house, or rather a storefront. But the fact that the real women who wear Eileen Fisher are old and fat, and usually ugly and sometimes pregnant does NOT indicate that I am OLD, fat or ugly or pregnant. I am just very good at modelling. I am sure I would be equally good at modelling Lululemon clothes if they ever asked me or Juicy Couture if they ever asked me or Seven jeans if they ever asked me or Victoria’s Secret when they ask me…just to clarify).

So, if you could get my message out there, I bless you a thousand plus five hundred million pranams, I wish you the happiness of the stars in the sky and the golden plumage of the swan and the devotion of Hanuman to his master Ram and the good love of Ram and Sita and the namastes of the world at large.

With love, light and all of the salt that the Gods have bestowed upon the Long Island Sound,

Colleen

Advertisements

4 Responses to Dear Yoga Chickie,

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is hilarious. (It was even better this morning!)

  2. Anonymous says:

    And with that, I now bookmark your blog. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Absolutely hysterical! I thought about you when I read (and re-read) their marriage annoucement in the Times.

    Beth

  4. Anonymous says:

    actually, this post is really wrong as are the comments. regardless of whatever sins any of us engage in, rodney and colleen are really beautiful, kind people. if it makes you feel good to trash them based upon what you’ve read, then how righteous and spiritual are you? it’s reasonable to be cynical, but by creating a post like this, you do yourslef a great disservice.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: