It’s been a rough week. I have been grumpy and tired, probably from the antibiotics. Also, my stomach is kind of funky, also probably from the antibiotics. It’s kind of bloated and a little painful at times. It makes Mari D difficult.
I got to practice early today – even before the 9 o’clock mantra. But first, I downed a sugar-free Red Bull for energy, some coffee for my addiction and some Diet Snapple Peach Tea for my feeling of dehydration, also probably from the antibiotics. This could not have been ideal for that bloated feeling. But whatever. It was all good, saw my anonymous shala mate friend, who Goddamn her, got Garba Pindasana this week, like I knew she would, did some really floaty, featherweight Surya Namaskars, some pretty drama-free Standing postures and some really nice seated postures.
And then there was Mari D. Why oh why does this pose come and go for me? Eh, I honestly don’t even care that much. I know it comes back. I know I am having problems because my stomach feels “full” and I am very slippery, and now thanks to Sir, I also know that all it takes is one little thing being off for me, and I will have problems in Mari D because my arms resist internally rotating, and the only reason I can even bind in Mari D at all is because (a) I have no excess baggage around the middle and (b) I have been working at it for so hard and for so long. If it weren’t for (a), I don’t even think (b) would matter.
Which kind of brings me to my latest thought on Supta K: I could probably get around the hands snapping away from each other as soon as Sir lets go of them if I lost SOOOO much weight that my inflexibility in the shoulder sockets just didn’t come into play anymore. But since THAT is not going to happen (although I have thought about it – pulling a Rene Zellweger and losing a whole bunch of weight for a “role”, my role as Ashtangini Who Can Easily Bind in Supta K), I am stuck in this very very dark place right now. After Supta K today, after Sir put my hands together, but they snapped away from each other as soon as he let go, I practically started sobbing. OK, I didn’t sob. But I sulked. I sulked for so long, I saw other students who started after me finish Primary while I sulked. Then I pulled my crap together and did seven backbends (no dropbacks, as I was too embarassed to even try in front of Sir, especially because I SUCK) and a super super long finishing sequence, including five minutes in Shoulder Stand and three minutes in headstand, with a final “lift up” at the end (these are embellishments that I was told about by a student who took the Ashtanga Intensive with Sir and Madame).
There ARE bright spots in my practice. I should name them so as not to forget:
- Sir gave me the second Prasarita Padotanasana C version today: palms turned inside out. That was cool, although my frozen shoulders felt nada.
- I am suddenly fully able to do Janu Sirsasana C on BOTH sides! This tells me that my outer hips are opening up nicely. And this can only help in Supta K.
- I held Uth Pluti for ONE FULL MINUTE.
But I feel down. Maybe it’s just the antibiotics talking. Or maybe it’s that Sir told me that he gets almost no internal rotation movement at all from my arms in my shoulder sockets when he puts me in Supta K. That was a definite bummer.
But shouldn’t I be happy that I have even come THIS far with my physical challenges? I mean, jeez. What is my PROBLEM? The fact that my hands can even touch, let alone grasp, in Supta K is pretty astounding considering that I have “no internal rotation” observed by my teacher and no sensation or coordination of internal rotation (observed by myself) and skin and muscles as hard as rocks where the pecs and shoulder muscles attach (observed by myself with the help of the Anatomy Coloring Book). It’s pretty amazing that I can get myself into Prasarita Pado C as well. Not to mention Mari C and D, although as I said above, I suspect that my tummy tuck was the major factor that made those possible; if not for the flat tummy, I am not sure that my level of shoulder flexibility would be enough to get me there in these poses.
Why does it matter? Why does it matter? Why does it matter?
Because I want to practice Primary. ALL of Primary. And get all of the benefits of Primary – Badha Konasana, Setu Bandhasana, Supta Hasta Padangusthasana most relevantly.
Well, I still have self-practice. I think when Sir leaves for India, I am going to cut back to three times a week at the shala and do my self-practice three times a week, and on Fridays, add in a Bikram class. Because on October 11, I am done for a good six weeks, well not a “good” six weeks. But six weeks. New boobies and Ashlee Simpson’s nose. Did I mention the nose? Yeah, Ash inspired me. She had the sharply bent bump on the bridge, as do I. And damn it, she looked good after her doctor got rid of that thing. And my body is no longer my own really. So, none of this seems odd to me in the least bit. I get a hair cut. I get a tummy tuck. I buy some make-up. I get a nose job.
Okay, beat me up now. I know it’s coming.